Helping Friends with Analysis vs. Comforting

Found out today that if you try to help your friends, say by analyzing their problem in order to discover a solution, they might get pissed off at you, and claim you’re not being their friend. That’s not to say you didn’t mean well, but your friend really just wanted to be comforted, rather than analyzed. Their problem may seem big, but they’re despairing about because they do not have the inner comforting necessary to handle it themselves. So comforting them is a much better immediate solution, and then they’ll know that you care about them, rather than about yourself appearing like the cool problem solver you’d like to be seen as. At least, this is how it worked out for me.

The fantasy of the friend (feminine energy friend) might be something like a sparkly guy on a white horse riding in to save them from their enemies, but that too seems lame to the problem-solver (you, perhaps). Truth is, when your friend gets comfort, despite your non-sparkliness, they just might forget their fantasy and appreciate you as you are. In this environment, friendship blossoms.

Keep in mind though that though traditionally men and women play these roles, we have within us both perspective, the “male” and “female” in the above conflict – that’s how I “discovered” it – by playing through it in myself.

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