Bias Arguments and Why We Like Them

As I mentioned before, I figured out that someone can argue for anything they want by highlighting certain aspects and ignoring others. Nothing is inherently good or bad – someone can argue as effectively either way. Just now I found out a fascinating implication that comes from this.

When creating an argument, you can select any evidence you want. Often, what we do is select evidence to craft the situation to look a certain way – the way we WANT IT to look. We ignore certain evidence outside of that sphere because it would damage the case we’re trying to make. But really, this just hides the underlying reasons for looking for one thing over another in the first place.

For instance, say you want to prove that Christianity is the best religion. Then you gather your evidence: “Jesus was such an amazing human being(/God), look at these great messages that are in the New Testament, there are many people who agree with me, Christians aren’t pushy about their religion and don’t go door to do like Jehova’s witness or Mormons, Chinese are Buddhists and Communists and everyone knows Communism is evil so Buddhism doesn’t work, Christians give such and such money to charities, they have great messages, etc.” You get the idea. You haven’t really looked at ALL the evidence, but you’ve found a sufficient number of items to surround your insistence that Christianity is the best religion and keep it alive. The question is why.

As soon as you delve into why, you can begin to get at the underlying issues causing you to create bias views in the first place, rather than look for the truth unhindered. So, taking the example above again, that person might have been told that Christianity didn’t have all the answers and actually did damage to the world, and, whether or not that was true, at the time they identified themselves as Christian, and the comment was taken as an attack on their identity. In defense, but scared to actually debate the truth of the issue, they surrounded themselves with arguments that favored their side. In essence: they were so afraid to let their identity be harmed, and so afraid to even consider that it COULD be harmed, that they surround the belief (that Christianity is the best) with a bunch of evidence that only supports their side.

Same is true when any argument is made – it’s why in debate teams it’s the norm to argue either side – that you choose what evidence to think about and use when arguing for something. Your reasons for choosing the evidence you do are important, and can tell you a lot about potential challenges that you can face more clearly, like fears that are so hidden you don’t even know about them. That doesn’t make facing the fears any easier, but it lets you see that they’re there so you can choose to face them if you want to.

This is also why it can be so hard to argue with people. They become so invested in being right that the given topic becomes about so much more than the truth. People can feel threatened if their beliefs are attacked because it means their fears, anger, sadness, and all that stuff they dont want to look at – can get exposed. They covered it over for a reason. We all do, even if we dont know it.

Bias and Identity

When you identify with certain groups, ideologies, or activities, it seems to me that you bias yourself towards the viewpoints expressed by what you identify with. To consider other points of view becomes a danger to your identity, and so it becomes compulsion to shove it away from you – either overtly, or in subtle ways, like picking evidence that only supports the argument you identify with. However, this is only my strong suspicion…

Tragedy and the Emotional Vampire

The tragedy of losing friends and those you hold dear is connected to clinging on to others (who you also hold dear) in unhealthy, unfriendly ways. Maybe the true culprit is abandoning yourself during times of pain, when you need comforting the most. I will find out.

EDIT: Why does this post include something about the “Emotional Vampire?”

There is a side of one’s self who wants to keep others close to it because of the benefits it gains. I call this The Emotional Vampire. Why? Because he wants to prey off of the joy of friendship, but complains with those others want to be free, and do their own thing.

After talking with this guy, I realized he acted this way because he himself had lost friends, and, not wanting to deal with that kind of pain anymore, he now did what he could to keep current friends close.

He only seems to come out when a friendship or relationship is in danger. It’s that grasping feeling, saying, “How dare they! I am their friend!” However, as you can see, the Emotional Vampire isn’t invested in what their friend wants.

The reason why, in the original post, I suggested this compulsion might have to do with abandoning yourself in times of pain is because when you lose a friend, it’s painful – and if you can’t be your own friend at those times, you might try to get other people to alleviate your pain for you. I have not proven or disproven this at this time.

All I can say it was extremely disturbing the first time I saw this in myself, because I want to be a good friend, and this side of myself is decidedly not.

Just be careful not to let this side of yourself be the dominating way you relate with other people, or those who wise up to it will flee from you. Instead, challenge your own neediness, and become a more true friend, one who can stand on his or her own, but enjoys giving and receiving nonetheless.

Frustration with Myself

So I was feeling some frustration after watching some stuff from Tony Robbins, since he’s very capable in many areas of life that I also am working on, like being able to work people through long standing insidious life issues within a couple minutes. Given the time I’m taking to solve my own things methodically, one at a time, I got frustrated. How could he do it with other people so easily? Was my approach wrong? This frustrated me even more, since I didn’t want to feel anything that resembled envy. Then I was frustrated more because I didn’t want to have to be repressing or denying any emotion. Shame got mixed in there too. Anyway I was a bit of a mess until a few minutes ago, when I went in my head to my gruff side, who had some solutions for me that I thought I’d share:

  1. There are no easy solutions. What a guy like Tony Robbins does looks easy, but really, all he does is look for source of conflict inside other people, and by exposing it, can easily point out a new direction for that person to take. He’s been through this process many many times and knows what works and what doesn’t. It’s not as if he has a magic solution. As I’ve seen in myself, once I lay out all the pieces of an inner puzzle, and delve into something, it’s easy to see where the fear or injustice is and face it to move forward. The seeds of change are in the depths of the conflict itself, always.
  2. Yeah I might have a lot of stuff going on with me right now that I’d rather not, but that’s me, and I need to just handle where I’m at and what I’ve got. To learn how to handle all these things I may want to handle better some day (so many vague ideas), I need to work with it within myself. What I’ve been doing has worked for me, and that’s enough
  3. I don’t need to push myself so damn hard! If I set out so many vague goals for myself and am willing to punish myself if I don’t immediately get results, I will just end up with a bunch of chaos and confusion.
  4. I could say “this mode of thinking is wrong” for anything, but that doesn’t get me anywhere, it just creates a bunch of anger and frustration. So – deep breath, and carry on in the ways that I know work for me. Even if something’s wrong, saying that it is doesn’t give me the solution that works for me.

Complexities of Criticism

The funny thing about criticism is that it can be directed towards anything. At one moment, you can say something is good and in the next second argue why it is bad. Against the sword of criticism, anything can be good or bad, right or wrong, and it is often used to disprove someone who claims that something really is good or bad. At the same time as it laughs in the face of high-minded idealism, it cuts down the underpinnings of corruption. Perhaps all this is not for the sake of finding some one, easily defined truth, but to broaden people’s perspectives, to show that one greater truth is that there are multiple sides to any issue, unforeseen effects, uncertainties where you thought there was certainty.

However, criticism can be bypassed when an issue comes up that you feel is important enough to act on – when you don’t need to cast tons of doubt on it. When action is needed, rather than thought, and you’re willing to take the consequences on your own shoulders, criticism can do nothing besides inform your actions as they take place. For some things, it cannot stop you.

Furthermore, critics can fall into the trap of being insensitive and cruel. If they deliver their truth with no thought of how it will be received, it can cause a whole lot of distress if that person is not ready to receive critiques. At this point, the person being criticized can shut out all further input, despite the potential benefits.

Conflict Needed for Peace

It seems that conflict is necessary for peace. How does that make sense? Because with the willingness to engage in conflict you can face down those things within and without that disrupt peace. To not do so is to let yourself be enslaved and manipulated by these threats to peace, such as anger, hatred, and so on. All they have to argue is “you betta be peaceful!” and you’ll shut down? Arguing, conflicting with others is part of respecting yourself – as long as it’s not arbitrary, as long as you don’t intend to stir up unnecessary trouble. Conflict is best engaged in with the intent to resolve conflict that was already there – perhaps under the surface. It’s like potential energy in physics, like with a loaded spring. That spring wants to boing, don’t let it stew. Call out the anger and resentment and the desire to control hovering under the surface of those around you, and you’ll be respecting yourself and becoming more free.

That doesn’t mean you need to fear peace, either. Just stay in tune with your ability to sense that something’s wrong – like when you’re starting to feel annoyed inside. At that point, just try to get to the root of the conflict, by challenging whatever needs to be challenged, within or outside of you. The truth will come out in the conflict, and you might find in others, or yourself, false beliefs that you’ve been relying on, but which cause unnecessary conflict, destroying peace.