Sometimes, your own distrust attacks you with all kinds of arguments. Fight back!
Yeah, we’ve made mistakes in our past. Yeah, we’d like to not be the “kind of person” to make those mistakes again. We’d be very glad to be past it.
But of course, how will we know that we won’t? How will we know that, when the time comes, we’ll make the right choices, if we’ve made the wrong ones in the past?
The thing is, you have intentions – those intentions are what cause you to act as you do. Now let’s say you’ve had an intention in the past that was “to make so and so’s life terrible”, and now, looking back, you don’t like that intention of yours. How can you live peacefully, knowing you once, impulsively, made that your intention and acted upon it?
Today, my Irresponsible Self was giving me a lot of problems. Didn’t want to clean out the dishwasher, didn’t want to clean pots, didn’t want to take a shower. He didn’t even enjoy playing a video game, which he suggested (in my thoughts) I do in the first place! So I decided to delve deeper and find out what was really bothering him. I lay down, and opened myself up, to let that side of me tell me what was bothering him.
What he showed me in my thoughts was a kind of a story. I don’t know how accurate it is, but it goes a little something like this:
The Distrust of Love destroying my state of being where love and joy abounded.
A long time ago, I had a state of being inside me, like a city, in which there was an abundance of love, justice, and joy. It was wonderful to live in. Then, one day, a being appeared, like a giant snake wrapped around the city with a crazed look on its face. It had feelings of doubt and resentment towards this state of being. The people living in the city tried to fight it, but because they doubted themselves, didn’t know the reason for the snake being there, and thought that maybe the snake’s view on life was correct, they could not defend the city. This city, this state of being, no longer exists – and nothing inside me knows how exactly it fell or what can be done about it right now.