Long story short for those who don’t want to read: Driving yourself towards dreams with desperation instead of love will create a controlling hypocrite in you. (Or something like that)
Last night I discovered that there was a part of me that got mad at myself for getting angry. Total hypocrite. After delving further, I found out that this part of me was trying to experiment on me, and make sure I would become a person without anger. This was all because it fit into his grandiose life plans – he wanted to become a legendary individual, far greater than anybody else, renowned far and wide for his deeds.
On asking why this was so important, it was mostly because he hated and feared the idea of living a “common” life, and started to get upset at the thought. But then, I challenged him, telling him that was B.S. because he was already great, and he did not have to stand out in the ways he described. He at first thought I was just saying it to make him feel better.
But after a bit more back and forth, I found out that the key difficulty with all of his grand dreams was that he was seeking that dream with desperation instead of with love. At this, he finally agreed with me, and we made peace.
There is a power inside of you that wants to achieve ultimate certainty about everything, in such a way that it will get angry at any evidence that might run counter to its predictions and expectations. This is why if something you thought would take a short time actually takes a long time, you get angry. Watch out though, this force inside you doesn’t really care if the info is false or not – he wants knowledge purely for the feeling of power that it gives. Make sure you question yourself or it might rampage into your actions, causing you to do harmful things to yourself and others, proudly.
And if you get scared at this prospect, don’t worry. Your desperation is not bigger than your capacity to handle the truth and adjust your actions accordingly.
Quick Exercise: Relief from Uncertainty
I decided to add this to help anyone struggling with uncertainty right in this moment. Hopefully this will resolve the panic that can often come at times like this.
- Take out a piece of paper or open a document. Write at the top “Things I’m uncertain of”
- Write a list of all the things you’re uncertain of, until you feel they’re all out.
- Look over your list and recognize that many, if not all, of these you might not be able to be certain of until they happen. Also notice that if you were certain about these things, it might bring a lot of relief. A sense of direction. This puts you in a pretty bad situation, huh.
- Now, for each item in the list, write what you would do if the worst case scenario happened. Try to put yourself in the situation and really imagine it. Don’t worry, it hasn’t happened yet, you’re just imagining it. You’re preparing for the worst.
- Keep adding things to either list until you feel a sense of stability again. If you’re still having trouble, ask yourself WHY, and write down the answer. Keep asking yourself “why?” until you feel that stability, and the desperation relaxes.
Mark Ivar Myhre has a great e-book and set of meditations called “How to Reduce Fear, Escape Anxiety, and End Panic” – if you’re having trouble with any of these, check it out.
The Utility and Fun of Not Knowing
Overcome Fear of Repeating your Mistakes
Find your Curiosity and Move Past Failure
My Interview with Worry
Becoming at Peace with Your Own Path
If you want a general method for relief during times of intensity, check out the Expressive way to relieve it