“Did you know that with action, and the willingness to fight, you can achieve almost anything?”
“Yeah, but why would I want to? What’s the point? I mean, wouldn’t I just lose it all again anyway? Why try hard with anything?”
“Perhaps. You might lose it all – but you might gain everything and more. Think of how you feel now. Would you really want that again? Think of what you might miss if you never tried at all. The heights of humanity are far from this place.”
“You really think so? You really think I can do it?!”
“Submit to me, and I will bring you to heights you never thought were possible.”
“Fine! I’ll do it!”
“Good. Now pay attention…”
Today, I learned about the past of the part of me who gets tense a lot. A long time ago (I don’t know when), this side of me felt lost and alone. I had lost something precious to me, and somehow, another side of me caught wind and showed up. This other side offered me, in my loneliness and despair, a new path, one that few dare to travel. To find glory, and taste the fruits of those things in life that few men can achieve. It was the promise to win a life full of what I had lost and more. To go beyond what I knew, that is, what was lost, and to grasp for what I could only imagine awaited me.
Not that there’s anything wrong with seeking something out-of-the-ordinary, or to do unique things, but the side of me who seeks glory wants to do it because of what other people will think of him. His name will live on, his accomplishments, his triumphs. Can you see why this doesn’t work?
It’s not because it’s immoral, or egotistic, or selfish – although it might be those things. Following the call of glory, just because I am sad or in a state of loss, doesn’t heal the loss. It leads anyone who follows it chasing after things that will never, ever solve the problem itself.
Being in a state of pursuit, of desire, of striving and struggle, without looking at the reason for struggling in the first place, creates tension. Anyone who tries to pursue something without taking care of their own feelings, will feel tension as a result. It’s that constant reminder that what you really want in life might be something else, despite how good the promise of great and glorious things can seem.
This is where the nurturing side of yourself comes in – the side that cares for other people and yourself. It is the only thing that can actually help you in a time of need, when you are feeling loss or loneliness. And once the tension and the nurturers meet, you’ll begin to realize that you’ve been on the wrong track, that there’s another way. This other way will help you without selfishly demanding you follow its ways.
Perhaps the path of nurturing my tension, instead of driving it like a slave-driver to do more and be more, will lead me to a saner, healthier way of life.